Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

I’m Heather, a doula and midwifery student, 32 years old with two children, and the birth I’m sharing is my second child, my daughter.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was May 5, 2008 and her birthday was May 1, 2008.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Her name is Ruby, she was 7lbs. 5oz. and 21 inches long

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.

This birth was a scheduled c-section. With my OB, we chose the date based on the fact that it was after 39 weeks, but still before my due date. The surgery was scheduled for 1:30pm and we were supposed to arrive at the hospital by noon. My doctor told me that I could eat breakfast as long as it was eight hours before the surgery, so my husband got up at 4:30am and brought me McDonalds. It was kind of a joke between us, because McDonalds breakfast was the only thing I was able to keep down for the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy, so we figured Ruby must like it. My doctor came in and we had fun taking goofy pictures while the nurses were prepping me for surgery. She brought in the resident who was going to assist her to meet us, and she asked my husband what he did for a living, to which he replied (as a joke), “I’m a medical malpractice attorney.” You should have seen the look on her face.

The surgery went great. My doctor even told me that I had amazing abs as she was cutting me open, which is something any woman would love to hear! I told her that I wanted to see what my insides looked like, so she let my husband video tape as my daughter was born.

The nurses wrapped her up and brought her over to me immediately, and my husband held her next to my face as they were sewing me up. Once they were done, she rode on my chest, skin-to-skin, back to the recovery room where she latched right on and started breastfeeding. I loved every second of this birth!

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

I worked out every day, and I think it really paid off. With my son, I gained 70 lbs and felt AWFUL at the end of my pregnancy. With my daughter, I felt like I could have gone on being pregnant forever. I also think it really helped my recovery, which was very easy.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I loved it. My OB was fantastic, took the time to discuss every little thing with me, and we had great rapport. The atmosphere in the OR was so fun and joyful, no one was worried about anything (my first c-section was an emergency and the atmosphere was very different).

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I wouldn’t change a thing.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

The only contractions I had were a few Braxton hicks that I got if I worked out hard.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

Nope.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

When the doctor held my daughter up over the barrier to show her to me.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

The atmosphere was different than I’d expected. The only thing I had to go on from previous experience was the emergency c-section where everything was tense and the peds team was in the room in addition to the regular OR staff, and I was expecting it to be the same. This time we were all laughing and joking and having a great time.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

Overwhelmed by the love I felt, excitement about how easily she’d latched on to breastfeed (my son took WAAAAYYY longer to figure it out).

How would you describe your recovery?

Not bad at all. The nurses had me up and walking later that day, and I felt weak but no pain because they were all over making sure I took my pain meds on time. The worst thing about it was the first bowel movement, which didn’t come until after I got home from the hospital. Read about the side effects of pain meds to know why! I felt especially great because I was back to my pre-pregnant weight by the time I left the hospital. After two weeks I was back in the gym and pretty much felt back to normal. I started running again between 3 and 4 weeks postpartum.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last 4 years since the first week of having Ruby?

Not at all, really. I was happy with it then and I’m still happy with it today.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

That I have great abs? Haha, just kidding! I guess that I have enough love for two children. I never imagined I could love anyone as much as I love my son, and it was actually something I was worried about going into it. But as soon as my doctor held her up for me to see, I knew it was possible!

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

I would recommend that a woman have any kind of birth experience that she wants, if possible, and if her plans don’t work out exactly the way she was expecting, to be open to making the best of the situation that she ends up with! I’ve seen a whole bunch of births, and I know that I was very lucky with this one — it seems they rarely go exactly as planned. I know some people hate to hear it, but the birth is really only a minuscule part of a (hopefully) long and happy parenting relationship.

Meredith with her son, Bayrd.

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

My name is Meredith. I live in Austin and have been married for four years. I am sharing my first birth to my son, Bayrd Gabriel.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was December 14, 2011 and amazingly, I gave birth to Bayrd on my due date! I definitely was mentally prepared to go late because everyone told me I probably would as it was my first birth.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Bayrd Gabriel Griffin, 8 lb. 9 0z., 23 inches! (Although 2 inches were attributed to his LARGE cone-head that scared us! Days later, he was down to 21 inches).

Meredith’s birthing room with dimmed lights to help her labor in privacy.

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth. 

I was very fearful during my entire pregnancy and birth. I had miscarried before Bayrd at 11 1/2 weeks. My husband and I were afraid I would not be able to carry another child. I had spotting all during my first trimester with Bayrd, and at my 20-week ultrasound, I was referred to a high-risk doctor. I was told that my son showed a strong marker for a chromosomal abnormality. From that point on, my husband and I were fearful that our son would have Down Syndrome or some other chromosomal issue. We opted out of amniocentesis because of involved risks.

I wanted a natural labor, but was also interested in using a hospital. This was partly due to medical costs and insurance, but also because we have several friends who had good experiences with a practice that has both OBs and midwives who work together. I also had the support and presence of my long-time friend and doula, Lindsey Bell.

My first contraction was Tuesday, December 13 at 2 a.m. and Bayrd was born around 10 p.m. on Wednesday, December 14. I was in labor for over 40 hours and pushed for 2 1/2 hours. Bayrd was posterior and I had extremely intense back labor. I spent most of my labor either on my birth ball with my back to the hot shower or lying on the bed with my husband or doula pushing on my back as hard as they could. I only dilated a centimeter or two after laboring for about a day, so my doctor (I had a few doctors because I went through a shift change!) encouraged me to get a little Pitocin and have an Epidural in order to avoid a c-section.  My hospital experience was very positive. No one pressured me to use drugs, like I thought might happen. I felt the decision to use drugs was my own. The nursing staff was incredibly emotionally supportive and kind to me as well.

Welcome to the world, sweet boy!

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

I attended a Hypnobirthing class with my husband, met with my doula numerous times, went to prenatal yoga every week of my second and third trimesters, took daily walks, prayed, went to therapy, spent time talking with my husband and friends, read everything I could get my hands onto including Ina May’s writings and the Birthing from Within book. I think I benefitted most from talking with friends who had experienced labor. I also did a fair amount of journaling and looked deeper into the female archetype and how it might give me strength to birth.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I liked listening to my Hypnobirthing relaxation CD, I liked the lavender oil my doula used to relax me, I loved the shower and wish that I could have been able to use a birthing tub, I liked using my birthing ball. Most of all, I liked having my husband there with me, supporting me the entire time. I loved the moments leading to pushing spent with him, especially when he let me know he was afraid too, but that something beautiful was about to happen. I loved how my son latched on immediately and was extremely interested in breastfeeding.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

The extreme back pain, the way I allowed fear to really dictate my experience, and the fact that I used drugs, although I am learning to give myself some grace.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

The intense back pain! Okay, have I mentioned that enough? Also, that pushing felt like 5 minutes because so much progress was being made compared to hours of contractions. Also, that I was not able to birth naturally, as I am someone who enjoys physical challenges.

Hello there, handsome!

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

Even though I believe I did the best I could, I wish I had been more peaceful about the whole process. I had early breastfeeding issues, and I wish I had seen a lactation consultant earlier than I did because she was incredibly helpful and breastfeeding got tremendously better once I saw her. I regret getting so many ultrasounds because they just increased my anxiety. No good came from them. I believe prenatal care can sometimes be “too” good these days. There are so many factors outside of our control when it comes to pregnancy and birth (or life, in general). Many times, we just have to stand by and wait to see how things go.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

The support of my husband and doula. Also, the excitement of our friends and families and my mother’s selflessness the first week of Bayrd’s life.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

Birth was way more painful than I could have ever imagined. Promise I’m not a wimp! Also, I didn’t expect it to take so long!

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I yelled across the room as Bayrd was being examined, “Does he have Down Syndrome? What is wrong with his head?” I wanted answers. When they told me that everything looked good, I felt relief and thankfulness. I felt like I could finally enjoy my baby.

How would you describe your recovery?

I started walking pretty soon thereafter and started running and doing yoga again after 6 weeks. The first month after birth was painful as I had a second degree tear and other issues. Again, this part was more painful than I thought it would be. Also, I still looked pretty pregnant for a while, which I know is natural, but interesting when I look back at pictures. However, I felt like a completely different person at the time – much lighter

Those are some wise eyes!

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed since the first week of having your baby? 

I can now see my mind-body connection vividly. I know that it took me so long to birth Bayrd because the truth was that I did not want to know the whether or not my son would be normal and healthy. I was not ready for the inevitable. 

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

I learned that although I am strong, I am just a human with little control over my life. Although this may sound scary, it isn’t. It assures me that what is important is practicing patience and peace. It gives me freedom. I am thankful for the many gifts and mercies I am given daily and do not want to take them for granted. I could have easily had a baby with a disability, or no baby at all. So many are denied a healthy baby. When I have a hard day with Bayrd, I remember the fact that he is a healthy and happy baby. It makes those days easier.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

I believe it depends on the quality of services available and the woman’s preferences. I was able to find a practice that understood my desire for a non-medicated birth, so it was a good fit for me. It depends on the woman and what she wants. Next time I might try to use a birthing center, if possible.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

I think pregnancy and birth is a wonderful time to work on your relationship with your partner (if that is applicable to you). I cherish the ways that I grew as an individual and the ways my marriage grew. Also, take advantage the help people offer you! You will regret it when you try to be polite and say, “Oh, I’m fine” when you secretly know you need lots of help.

Meredith and her beautiful family!

I’m Kelly and I’m sharing the birth of my first child, Cora. I finished law school in december 2004 (U of Minnesota alum). I registered for the bar in July 2005.  End of april 2005, my husband and I found out we were pregnant.  It was a surprise.  I took the bar in July, spending plenty of time in the rest room, trying not to vomit from morning sickness.  In october 05, I got my bar results. I failed.  In November 05, my husband and I bought a new house, in a new town, an hour from my OB and the hospital.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was December 29th, at first.  They did a 12 week ultrasound, and changed the due date to January 29th b/c the baby looked 8 weeks gestation. Cora was born January 16th.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length? 

Cora Emily, 7lbs 8oz, 22 inches.Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.

My water broke at home at 4:30 in the morning.  We arrived at the hospital at 5:30.  I had 5 minute spaced contractions, they were not painful.  They continued for most of the morning.  I walked to help progress.  It didn’t. They started pitocin after lunch time.  The first few pitocin contractions were pretty painful and layered two peak contractions.  They gave me Stadol on request.  By 6:30 pm-ish, I started pushing.  In ten or so pushes, my eldest was born.  perfectly healthy, pink and leggy.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

I read almost every book that I could get about being pregnant. I spoke with my relatives who had children about their experiences. I left the labor and delivery sections for last. We took a class offered through the hospital about labor and delivery. I tried to stay in shape. I talked to my husband about what I would like to have happen during birth, especially regarding pain.  Reading helped me keep calm and learn all the variations.  The class made me feel familiar with the choices I would be asked during birth, and was a great experience for my husband who thought I was the only crazy person on the planet.  I don’t know whether staying in shape helped.  My husband did a good job of honoring what I had requested.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I had a great labor and delivery nurse.  I liked the intimacy of having my husband there and nobody else, and NO CAMERAS.  I don’t really like pictures of myself.  They used a mirror so I could “see” what was happening.  The feeling of Cora on my chest for the first time.  Watching them clean her, and then putting her to breast was awesome.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I don’t like Stadol.  It made me sleep between contractions, and memories of her birth are fuzzy as all get out.  I hated the on staff OB who showed up at birth.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

Natural contractions were uncomfortable, but didn’t hurt much, the pitocin ones were ten times worse.  Even with Stadol the pain of the pushing part was still there.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I would have resisted the pitocin until there was no other option. I would have napped during the morning.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

That living breathing creature child that was mine all mine, and now could move comfortably without standing on my ribs.  The overall awe of my husband at the site of his first daughter.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

I didn’t have any imaging for the first birth, really.  I thought perhaps I could move around more.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I really felt empowered.  And so joyful.

How would you describe your recovery?

Slow. I felt so weak, this 7lb baby was hard to hold to my chest to nurse.  My muscles were so sore.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last 6 years since the first week of having Cora?

I learned a lot about pitocin.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

Not really sure.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

Relax and enjoy the experience (maybe embody would be better than enjoy). I got way too excited and anxious with Cora’s birth, and that adrenalin can work against you.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

Regardless of how the birth works out, the goal is a happy healthy baby.

Related articles

• Lisa’s Hospital Birth w/IV Pain Management (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Emily’s Medically Indicated Induction w/out Epidural (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• Danielle’s Hospital Birth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

My name is Autumn and I am a proud stay-at-homeschool mom of 5! I will be sharing with you about the birth of my 5th child (4th boy)

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

Due date was November 24th, 2012 (Thanksgiving day). He was born December 7, almost 2 weeks past his due date

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Jeremiah Psalms, 7.9oz, 21 1/2 inches.

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.

I had planned on having my 3rd home birth with my amazing midwife. When I called my midwife at 12:45 on December 7th to tell her that I was bleeding (I normally don’t bleed until after the baby is born) I became very fearful. I have been very blessed to have all of my births pain-free without any drugs but as soon as I started having fear because of the blood my contractions became painful. I wasn’t able to concentrate on what was happening and was ready to go to the hospital if she came and told us we had to go. My husband called all of the people we had listed to come (which is ALWAYS a lot) told my Aunt to come over but told our friends to wait because we didn’t know what was going to happen. My aunt got here around 1 am and saw that I was having painful contractions. She prayed over me and told me I needed to calm down and get on top of the contractions. She said that the amount of blood that was present wasn’t enough to worry about. As soon as I let go of the fear my contractions stopped hurting and I was able to get back on top of them. My midwife got here around 1:15 check me and I was at a 7, by 1:45 he was born. Quick and easy!!

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

Because this was my fifth birth I already had everything ready. Our home birth package was in a clothes hamper and ready for once he got here. With him being almost 2 weeks late we had plenty of time to get ready!

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I love giving birth.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

Seeing all of the blood really scared me. Not knowing or having that happen to me before caused me to become fearful which caused me to have pain.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I was shocked at how fast it went. Most of my labors have been 8+ hours so when the whole thing only lasted about an hour. I was really shocked.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I would have not let fear control me.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

That it happened so fast and was so easy.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be? 

I was planning on everyone having time to get here but because he came so fast, my midwife, mom and aunt were the only ones that made it.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I was so glad to have him here. I felt like I had waited for so long.

How would you describe your recovery?

It was really easy. My husband stayed home for a few days and then our pastor’s daughter came and stayed with us for a week to help out with the older ones. Our church brought us meals for a week and a half and then my husband was home for two weeks because he is a school teacher and it was winter break.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed since the first week of having your child?

Jeremiah is now 4 months old. He is just such a joyful and easy baby. I am still very happy with his birth although carrying him for almost 42 weeks was very hard and I pray that with our next one it’s not even longer!

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

That my faith is what gets me though the labor and although people have tried to convince me that it’s not possible to have a pain-free labor, I know now that it is because of my fear that I had pain. I now trust myself and believe what I feel like God has shown me in His word that it is possible to have pain-free childbirth. I am a very blessed woman and I am so grateful for each blessing that God has given me.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women?

I think if you are a healthy, normal, pregnant women that you should have your children at home if you can. It’s easier and there isn’t as much intervention!

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

I think that every mom should read Supernatural childbirth by Jackie Mize. That book has so many helpful things in it. I think fear plays a role with a lot of births. If more woman would start telling the great side of birth instead of all the horrible sides that we could actually break the cycle of women having fear in labor. Most of the time when people talk about their birthing experience they only give the horrible scary side, they don’t talk about the good things that happen. I also think that most births can happen at home. I do think that if you are high risk that you should be in a hospital but…. most can be born at home! Which would then keep more moms from having to go through unnecessary interventions.

Related articles

• Sara’s Homebirth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Simone’s Surprise Unassisted Homebirth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Kelly’s (almost unassisted) Homebirth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.  

I’m Nicole from New Zealand. I’m 23 years old and spent the first 2 years of my marriage going through infertility treatment due to PCOS. This was my first baby and we conceived him through IVF.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was August 25th, 2011, and he was born on August 6th by induction.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length? 

We named him Roman, he was 6lbs 1 oz – he was not measured so I don’t know his length.

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth. 

Like a lot of women I had envisioned a natural birth. I wanted to be able to move freely, including trying different positions in labour and birthing in water. All of this changed when I developed pregnancy induced hypertension and preeclampsia.

I lost my midwife at 35 weeks, as I had to go on medication to control my BP -I was devastated. I had made a strong relationship with her and now my baby was going to be birthed by a complete stranger.

My body swelled and I began to see flashing lights in my eyes – I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was admitted to hospital and hooked up to a monitor to check if baby was ok. I had a scan and they found my fluid was a little on the low side. Over night my BP was out of control, they decided to induce.

I was told I could not have a bath or birth in water. I would also be restricted to the hospital bed with the monitors. I couldn’t believe how everything had changed, my birth plan didn’t just go out the window – it was chucked!

I labored for 16 hours then my waters were broken at 6am. My contractions became unbearable. I wanted to move so badly but all I could do was swing my legs. The OB was worried about my BP and suggested an epidural to try control it. I agreed, I could handle the pain no longer. That was at 8am. At mid-day the epidural stopped working and I was thrown into strong contractions. They fixed the epidural and I slept the rest of the day.

That evening I felt pressure and said I needed to push. I was told I had to wait! I was in agony so I pushed anyway. Roman’s head came out crooked and grazed me on the inside and as a result I got a 2nd degree tear on the outside. The rest of him slithered out – born at 7:51 pm. I held his hand. I wanted delayed cord cutting but I was bleeding uncontrollably.

He was put on my chest and I cried. He was finally here. He was then given to my husband and they rammed towels inside of me. At that point I thanked God I had an epidural. I was in theater for 2 hours being stitched up. The epidural wore off and I began to shake uncontrollably – a side effect. I developed maternal fever so I felt very ill but my baby was brought to me and I was in love.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help? 

My husband and I went to ante-natal classes and I watched a lot of videos on birth, but none of it prepared me for the complications of my birth. If any thing the ante-natal classes made me feel like a failure. I had done everything opposite to what we were taught, even though it was all out of my control

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything? 

I liked how my baby was placed straight onto my chest and all the reflexes and checks were performed later so I could bond with my baby immediately.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I felt surrounded by strangers which made me fearful. The hospital midwife was foreign and did not like me filming the birth saying it was too intimate. She agreed after I insisted it was what I wanted. I was denied a bath and movement even when the monitor showed my baby was not in distress. That made me feel like I could not cope with my contractions, it felt unnatural.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

The way they could take my breath away!

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I guess it was all out of my control but I wish I had INSISTED the bath and movement. I just did what I was told.

What do you remember the most about your birth? 

Holding my son’s hand when he came out. I felt like I needed him to know I was there to protect him. I had waited so long for him he was my miracle. I also remember my husband whispering, “Oh my God, I have a baby, my baby is here.”

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be? 

It was the complete opposite. I had imagined a tranquil natural birth and just letting my body do what it was designed for, instead it was full of medical intervention, tubes, drugs, instructions, bright lights, and noise.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I was emotional, for a moment I forgot all the people in the room and thought to myself I made this little person and pushed him out – I’m awesome! I didn’t feel sad or angry like I thought I would. Roman was here and that’s all I cared about at that time.

How would you describe your recovery? 

It was long and hard. I lost a lot of blood and my blood pressure dropped dramatically. I was very weak and fainted a lot so I was afraid to hold Roman standing up. My woman parts hurt badly as I had been packed with towels to stop the bleeding and needed pain relief. It took 2 months before I began to feel like a normal woman again.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last 8 months since the first week of having Roman? 

I have not been mentally scarred from my experience and don’t look back on it with regret. I am well and so is he.  I never seem to do things by halves - hospitalized in the middle of my IVF treatment with kidney stones, your not so natural baby creation, dramatic hospitalization from an IVF side effect, dramatic pregnancy, so I guess it was only fitting that Roman’s entrance to the world would be filled with drama. We are planning another baby soon and hope to have our original birth plan but now we know to have our plan set in sand not concrete.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience? 

I learnt my body and mind is amazing at coping with stressful situations, although at times I felt afraid, I managed to control my feelings and not panic. I also learnt that even though it was the most undesirable situation everything faded into the background when I saw my baby for the first time. I was so much on cloud 9 I tried to hop off the hospital bed with Roman when I was still unable to feel my legs from my epidural. Oops!

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why? 

I would recommend a natural birth where you can move with your contractions. A home birth would be ideal so that you cannot be made to have lots of medical interventions but in saying that imagine what would have happened If I birthed Roman at home…

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

Set your birth plan in sand, not stone. Not everything can go to plan and if it doesn’t go to plan don’t be hard on yourself, the birth is but one part in the whole scheme of the creation of a child. Your body is amazing regardless of how your baby came into the world. Also, my entire journey includeing infertility, IVF pregnancy, and life with baby is on my Facebook page:  http://www.facebook.com/those2littlelines 

Related articles

• The Birth Interview Project | Sara’s Attempted Homebirth w/Hospital Transfer (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Stephanie’s Birth Center Labor w/Transport & C-section (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• Danielle’s Hospital Birth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)

Maternity photo on bedrest when 22 weeks pregnant (day I was admitted to the hospital.)

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

I’m Heidi, wife to Kit, and mom to six little ones.  We homeschool and in my spare time I am a doula, birth photographer, and I help teach a childbirth class.  I also volunteer with ICAN and Sidelines, two wonderful organizations that helped me through my high risk pregnancy, cesarean, and VBAC journey.  I’m sharing the birth story of my third child. (You can read the birth of Heidi’s sixth child here: Heidi’s 3rd VBAC – home waterbirth)

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

I was due May 30th, and Ben arrived January 29th.  Yep, that is 4 months (17 weeks) early.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Bennett was 630 grams – about 1 pound and 6 ounces, and he was 12 and 1/4″ long.

First time Kit touched Ben.

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.

After two prior miscarriages (and two live births) we were a bit anxious going into this pregnancy.  We were less than thrilled with our prior hospital experiences so we were seeing a CNM at a birth center.  We loved our new midwife and trusted her care.  I developed some complications at 10 weeks gestation and spent 12 weeks on bed rest, seeing our midwife, an OB, and two high risk specialists.  Things took a turn for the worse at 22 weeks gestation and I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest in anticipation of me having a complete placental abruption at any moment.

My husband and 3-year-old son visited me at the hospital for lunch on Saturday, January 29th.  I was feeling a bit off and my nurse decided to start monitoring me.  I had been contracting for months but the nurse was concerned enough to send me down to labor & delivery from the antepartum floor.  Suddenly I was feeling a LOT worse and contractions were kicking up.  One of my perinatologists (the MFM or high risk doctor) was in the hall and followed me into the room.  I explained I was feeling a lot of pressure so he checked and to our horror we learned I was 4cms dilated.  He sat at the foot of my bed and asked, “What would you like to do?”  We had already previously discussed our options and talked at length with the neonatologists and chaplain about our son’s slim chance of survival at this gestation (almost 23 weeks.)  I asked what would give our son the best chance of surviving delivery so I could see him before he passed away. Our doctor said a cesarean –  I agreed and everyone ran out the door.

On the way to the OR there was a doctor running alongside my bed with a portable ultrasound trying to assess if the placenta was still attached.  I remember being wheeled in, lifted to the bed, the anesthesiologist not being happy I had just eaten lunch, and starting to cry as I realized I had to birth right now and my son had little chance of surviving.  The nurse standing next to my arm leaned over and said, “It’s going to be okay.”  Then the mask was over my face and I was out.

During the surgery as they lifted my son out the placenta fell out with him, but we’re not sure at what point it abrupted.  Thankfully the stat cesarean meant he was without oxygen only a short time – it was just minutes from the time I consented until they had him out.  My doctor later apologized but said because of the baby’s position (shown by ultrasound) and his gestation they wanted to lift him out as gently as possible so they had made my incision very wide, almost hip to hip.

I woke up briefly in recovery and asked if Ben was still alive.  He was!!!  My next question was, what kind of incision did I get?  Knowing I hoped to have more children and wanted to VBAC we had discussed this with our doctor.   The doctor had told the OR staff that if at all possible he was going to give me a low vertical incision (most micro-preemie cesareans are done by classical incision.)  Because of position and circumstance he was able to do so and the nurse was so impressed she came out to share that with my husband.  (Side note – you can still VBAC with other incision types, it may just be harder to find a care provider.  www.SpecialScars.org has more info!)

Unfortunately because of the medications I was unable to remember most of the first day of my son’s life, and my husband was left alone to face such terrifying events.  The nurses ran off with our three year old to keep him entertained with juice and crackers and coloring on chart paperwork.  (We still have those drawings!)  My husband was called into the room by neonatologist and saw our tiny son intubated as they frantically worked on him, with me still unconscious on the table in the next room.  My oldest son still remembers them wheeling the incubator past and letting him see his tiny brother on their way up to the NICU.

My finger as big as his arm, and his eyelids fused shut.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

I had prepared for a natural labor, and because I had warning during my months of bed rest I was also able to prepare for a cesarean and premature arrival.  Many moms do not have that chance, as the cesarean is unexpected and the preemie doesn’t give warning!  I’m grateful that while on bed rest I was able to talk about cesarean births with my care team and read more about what to expect with a preemie arrival.

However, NOTHING can truly prepare you to see your baby born four months premature and fighting for their life.  Ben was so early his eyelids were still fused shut and his skin was so fragile he would bruise from the lightest touch.  I was only able to find one story of a baby surviving at that gestation and I clung to that case, desperate to think our son would have a chance.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I loved my care team.  Besides the cranky anesthesiologist.  :)  I felt that my midwife, OB, and specialists along with our neonatologist and nurses were truly being inspired.  All along the way we kept hearing that they didn’t normally do things this way, but in our case they felt they needed to do something different.  Even admitting me at 22 weeks gestation was unusual, according to my doctor.  My sister came to take maternity photos of me (in my bed, as I had to be laying down!) and right after this picture was taken my doctor told me over the phone that he had decided he wanted me admitted right away.  I had the baby just three days later and if I had not been living at the hospital at the time our son would not have survived the birth.

I could tuck his legs and bottom into one hand.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I would have preferred to have stayed pregnant another four months!  In our subsequent pregnancies every single day I said a prayer of gratitude that I was still pregnant.  Even with two August babies in the Texas heat, I was SO THANKFUL to have my little ones still safe inside of me.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I was surprised that I could tell something was wrong with how my body was laboring.  Obviously no one should be laboring at 23 weeks gestation!  And I had a natural birth with my second, but the pain of that was nothing like the pain of the preemie labor.  My body knew something was wrong and I could feel it, and told my nurse and doctor who thankfully listened and acted quickly.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I wish I had pictures.  Not that they would have allowed a photographer into the OR (even my husband wasn’t there) or into the NICU right away, but I am sad the first photos I have are when he was a day old and my mom visited with her camera.  I feel like I missed his birth, and that’s why we had a photographer with our next three births.  I really wish I had asked them in advance to place an epidural after the birth before I went to recovery, which sounds odd – but the morphine pump did NOTHING for my pain relief except make me too incoherent to tell them I could feel everything and I just passed out from the pain.  (After the birth – I was out and felt nothing during the birth, and there was no time to stop and place an epidural before the birth.)

What do you remember the most about your birth?

My doctor sitting on my bed and asking me what I wanted to do, my three year old looking at me as I contracted and tried to smile at him even as our world fell apart, the nurse telling me it would be okay, then waking up and hearing he was still alive.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

It was NOTHING like what I imagined.  This was supposed to be our first birth center arrival, in the tub with candles and calm and quiet and privacy and my baby never leaving my side.  Instead it was bright lights in a freezing OR with a dozen people and without my husband.  I couldn’t hold my son for the first six weeks of his life because he was so fragile and unstable, and he was barely two pounds the first time I finally held him.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I felt like I failed.  I couldn’t stay pregnant, I couldn’t keep my son safe, I couldn’t protect him, I had been cut open and he was pulled out because I failed, and I thought he was going to die before I even saw him for the first time.  I felt like I was physically being crushed by the horror of it.

Kangaroo care, he was right around 3 pounds.

How would you describe your recovery?

All things considered, it was pretty good – it should have been so much worse.  I couldn’t stand up straight for about a week, and I had lost a lot of blood so I passed out a couple of times.  I had also been on bed rest for three months so I was very weak and had lost muscle tone.  But I was up and walking and able to take care of my older two children within a couple of weeks, which was a huge blessing.

Emotionally it was YEARS of recovery – my husband, oldest son and I were all experiencing some degree of PTSD and sought treatment.  I also needed to work through my anxiety in subsequent pregnancies.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed since the first week of having your baby?

I don’t feel like I’m a failure anymore.  I talked a lot with my care team about the circumstances and what happened, and that helped me feel like I did the best I could with our situation.  I’ve also had three full term babies since, VBACs, and another miscarriage.  That’s reminded me that ultimately it’s not something we control!  We try to eat right and exercise and help our babies grow well but every baby has their own journey and their own story.  Sometimes things go perfectly, sometimes they don’t, but all we can do is our best and the rest is out of our hands.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

I discovered that I could survive far more than I ever imagined, and I learned what it means to pour your soul out in prayer.  We were surrounded by love and countless angels, and I gained a greater understanding of grace.  When I thought I was going to collapse into a heap of exhaustion and despair I was blessed with the strength to keep moving forward.  Over and over we heard from our care providers that we were witnessing miracles.  I learned that each baby, no matter how long they are with us here, has a special purpose and a journey all their own.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

I would recommend that you find care providers you trust, no matter how or where you want to birth.  When we had complications it was my midwife’s attentiveness and expertise that caught the issue quickly.  While discussing our hope for another baby our perinatologist told us we needed to stay with our midwife, as he felt it was her early intervention that gave our son a chance.  You need to trust your care provider so that if something does come up, you will be comfortable with their advice.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?  

I recently visited the NICU to photograph a baby, the first time I’ve been inside a unit since my son’s arrival over seven years ago.  I was surprised at how emotional the experience was for me, which prompted me to come answer these interview questions.  Writing this out was a healing step that brought me to tears, even all these years later as I look at my healthy son reading a book on the couch next to me.  So if you had a traumatic birth experience, remember that the healing process takes time.  Be gentle with yourself!

Ben now, 7 years old

Related articles

• The Birth Interview Project | Heidi’s 3rd VBAC – home waterbirth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Stephanie’s Birth Center Labor w/Transport & C-section (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• Danielle’s Hospital Birth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

My name is Sara, and I am writing about my first and only birth to my beautiful baby girl, Ava.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date? 

My due date was Feb 5th, and I gave birth on Feb 8th, naturally with no interference with nature.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length? 

Ava Sky Marie, she was 10lb 2oz. and 23 inches long (one big girl).

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.  

After my studies, I had decided a home birth was for me. Being a bit of a feisty, stubborn, earth momma I knew I wanted to do something some disapproved of and some thought was crazy.

On Feb 7th, my water began a hind leak around 3 am.  Throughout the day i had mild irregular contractions, i thought i had at least a day or two, so i was scrubbing floors and preparing for her.  That night after dinner, i thought if i lay down for bed and went to sleep this “false labor” would stop.  No, no, the contractions got stronger.

The midwives came to our home around midnight.  We set up the birth tub, and i got in as quick as i could.  It provided so much relief, i dozed off a few times.

At 6am i was 7cm.  At 9 am i began to feel an urgent need to push.  Mind you i spent 85% of my whole labor on my hands and knees, my wrists hurt for almost 2 weeks after the birth.  I pushed from 9am until 1:55pm.

At the time i did not pick up on the worry of the midwives i thought it all was standard procedure.  Turns out they thought  after 3 hours the baby was in the canal too long, and began to take the heart rate at every contraction, in addition they made me get out of the tub to use gravity.

They tried many different positions, Ava’s hand was up near her face and she was crowning for another 2 hours (5 hours of pushing).  The midwife asked if i was scared?   I thought, yes, maybe a bit. I think it’s going to hurt, and i don’t know how she’ll fit.  She looked at me and said, “Sara, we are going to get this baby out, you can do it.  You need to push this baby out now.” I did just that.

My goodness she was a chunky baby, just crying and screaming. She latched on right away.  We weighed her and she was 10lbs! Two days later she was almost 11lbs!  I did tear a second degree because of her size.  They used lube and stretching the perineum to help.  I didn’t feel any pain when i pushed her out, surprisingly, i thought that would be the worst part.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help? 

I spent a year studying birth for an honors program and i talked with over 50 women.  I also read many books and periodicals.  Yes it helped mentally.  But, you know when i was giving birth i actually thought i didn’t need to read anything. My body already knew how to do this.  Very primal.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

Everything, i loved the water the most.  I wish i could have stayed in there the whole time.  It provided me the most pain relief.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything? 

Being on land … it was cold, and gravity really made the contractions much more intense.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I was surprised at how long it took.  How present i was. Also how much i enjoyed the pushing stage, it really felt relieving to push more so than dilation did.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

No, i wouldn’t. I would do it again.

What do you remember the most about your birth? 

Crying with joy when i held my baby for the first time.  I remember how hard labor was, how proud i was of myself.  And at one point i thought i am crazy for doing this, where are those drugs and give me some sleep.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be? 

It was more intuitive than i thought.  I had all these candles i didn’t think to light a single one.  But i did listen to Bob Dylan, the chorus sticks out “Any day now, any day now, I shall be released.”

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

Love, joy, and pain.  Man, I really was shocked at how horribly painful everything below my waist was.  My genitals were swollen from pushing so long not to mention torn.  My hemorrhoids were incredibly painful from the pushing.  And i thought my intestines were going to fall out.  No body wrote about or prepared me for the aftermath.  Oh, and the weight didn’t melt off, i will never tell a breastfeeding mom that her pregnancy weight will melt away.

How would you describe your recovery?

Same as above, it took time for sure.  I went to a physical therapist to help repair stomach muscles.  It took 3 months before i could have sex.  I did start to notice weight loss when my baby was 6 months and i was much more active.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed since the first week of having your baby?

I have a deep found appreciation for all women.  I think we have a power so strong and men don’t even know it.  I also totally and fully respect a women’s choice to give birth where ever she feels safe, if that is a hospital i respect that.  To each their own.  I think i removed my judgments about women who gave into modernity because birth is hard and it is different for each women.  So i respect and individuals right to choose.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience? 

Yes, i am physically and mentally stronger than i could have imagined.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why? 

I would recommend using critical thinking in every aspect of life, especially when giving birth. I would say it’s pretty nuanced and one women may not want to do what i did or others. That’s ok.  For me, i felt with what i had learned and what my gut told me.  This was my first act of motherhood.  I was going to put my carnal needs aside not be a paddy-ass, give this all i got, and birth this baby naturally.  So i felt i was giving her the best first start and that i was putting her first.  I wanted to be present, and i wanted her to be present.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

I think i said a lot my fingers hurt, and i am too tired to proof read.  So i apologize for all of my spelling and grammatical errors.

My name is Danielle and I’m 19. This is the story of my first baby’s birth, 10 months ago.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was May 17th and Lilia was born May 26th.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Her name is Lilia Grace, named after my grandma. She was 6 lbs 15 oz and 20 1/2 inches long.

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.

My daughter was diagnosed with a cleft lip and palate at 37 weeks. We had previously been seeing a CNM and after her diagnosis, we were transferred to a specialist at a different hospital. It was a horrible experience, with that doctor. (I have since found out that she was fired and is in the process of losing her license, due to malpractice.) I was induced two days after my due date, on May 19. We were at that hospital for 3 days and after 2 doses of Cytotec (which they did not warn me of the dangers to pregnant women – no informed consent whatsoever), 18 of the 20 Pitocin doing absolutely nothing, them wanting to break my water and playing the “dead baby” card, we left against medical advice. I left at 3cm dilated.

I called my CNMs office and although she was out-of-town, I was induced with the OBs that she practices with. I went in on the evening of the 25th,  and they began the Pitocin. (Although I had not wanted to be induced, I do believe it was medically necessary. Because of my daughter’s cleft palate, she was unable to drink the amniotic fluid as much as she would have normally. Since there was so much amniotic fluid, she was unable to press on my cervix and make me dilate.) We spent the night and although I was contracting slightly, I slept fine. The next afternoon around 1, the doctors respectfully consulted with me and we agreed to break my water. I progressed to a 4 after that and stayed there until around 5:30. I had not wanted to get an epidural, but because of the Pitocin contractions, my body could not relax enough to dilate. I got an epidural and by 6:30, I was fully dilated. She was born at 6:55, perfect and beautiful. I had very minimal tearing.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

We took a childbirth education class at the hospital where we delivered and I read The Doula’s Guide to Childbirth and The Official Lamaze Guide.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

I really liked that the doctors that I delivered with were very respectful and accommodating. I liked that as soon as she was born, they were helping her latch on to breastfeed and encouraged skin to skin time. I liked that they did not ask to take her away to the nursery, at any point. We did not allow her to be given eye ointment, the Hep B shot or the Vitamin K shot and we got no negative responses to any of that.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I did not like the rushes manner of one of the nurses. She expected me to accommodate her wishes and her schedule while I was in the middle of a contraction. Ha! And I did not like that the water in the showers was only lukewarm.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I was surprised at how fast I dilated after my epidural! I am very proud of myself that I only spent an hour of my labor with any pain medication.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I would wait longer to see whether or not I went into labor on my own before consenting to an induction. And I wish I never would have gone to that first hospital to begin with.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

I remember being tired. I remember it all being a blur!

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

I had expected to go all natural and I was a little disappointed that I wasn’t able to. I did have a good experience with my epidural, though.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

My immediate emotions were that I couldn’t believe that she was actually here! And I did think that all of the vernix and blood all over her were really gross, although I did touch her. Love, of course.

How would you describe your recovery?

My recovery was pretty easy. I only had a few stitches. It stung when I peed for a few weeks, but after that it was fine. I was very swollen afterwards and it was uncomfortable.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last 10 months since the first week of having Lilia?

I felt very empowered after leaving the first hospital and I still do! It gave me great confidence as a mother. I felt good about my birth, and I still do for the most part, but there are some things, like the induction, that I wish I had done differently. That is why I will be having a home birth this time (I am 7 weeks pregnant right now).

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

I learned that I am not easily bullied. I gained great respect for myself as a woman and as a mother and it was a very valuable experience to me.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

During this current pregnancy, we are using the Hypnobabies method and I am excited to use it with this birth! I highly recommend it. An essential for any birth, home or hospital, is to hire a doula.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

Not at this time.

Related articles

• The Birth Interview Project | Stephanie’s Birth Center Labor w/Transport & C-section (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Emily’s Medically Indicated Induction w/out Epidural (thebirthinterviewproject.com)
• The Birth Interview Project | Heidi’s 3rd VBAC – home waterbirth (thebirthinterviewproject.com)

39 weeks with Merry

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

My name is Lisa and the only thing I have ever wanted to be was a wife and a mommy. I am now happily married and the mother of 4!  I love my husband, I love my kids, I love Jesus, I love cloth diapering (never thought I would), and I enjoy having all my family living within a few blocks of my house. My husband and I were married July 2, 2005 and were thrilled to find out on August 3, 2005 that we were expecting our first child! This is the story of my first birth when i was 20 years old.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was April 13, 2006 and my baby was born April 9, 2006

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Merry Patience was 6# 9.8oz. and 19 inches long

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth:

I had this feeling for most of my pregnancy that my baby would be born on a Sunday morning. I was born on a Sunday morning and i just knew that she would be too.  Saturday, April 8 i woke up with a twinge of morning sickness, which seemed a little odd because thankfully the terrible morning sickness i had in my first trimester had ended by 12 weeks.  I pushed through it and soon felt better.  I spent the day watching my 5-year-old nephew and almost 2-year-old niece. By the end of the day i was exhausted, more so than usual. I really wanted to go to bed early but couldn’t because my husband was still up preparing for his sermon the next morning and the only place i could sleep comfortably was on the couch in the living room.

As long as i was still up i pestered him for the millionth time to ask someone to be prepared to preach for him should we be having a baby on a Sunday morning.  He finally decided that we were close enough to our due date to get around to that and called a friend of his from seminary.  We finally went to bed around 11:30 that night. A little after 1AM i woke up and thought my  water had broke and I woke my husband to tell him.

I felt completely fine, no contractions. We called the doctor, and he told us to go to the hospital and let them check me out. We got to the hospital about 2:15. As we were walking through the parking lot i had my first contraction and boy did it HURT! It was very strong! And with it i felt a gush. My husband didn’t realize what was happening and kept right on walking. I couldn’t move and i couldn’t talk to tell him what was going on. So i just watched him continue on without me! He finally noticed i wasn’t with him and came back for me.

We got up stairs and got changed, i think i had a couple of contractions during all that. They hooked me up to monitors and checked to see that yes, my water had broken and i was still 1cm which i had been for a couple of weeks. The nurse told me that my doctor wouldn’t be on until noon. I asked her if he would come if i was having my baby before then. She informed me that my baby would NOT be born before noon. I told her that my baby WOULD be born that morning.  She looked at me like i was stupid and i told her that she didn’t have to believe me, but my baby would be born that morning. She never did answer my question about my doctor coming.

After finishing the paper work i continued to labor in the bed and the toilet. I tried several different positions over the next while.

Between 4:30 and 6:00 i got sick several times. I was very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. The atmosphere in the room was very disturbed and disjointed feeling. I asked everyone to pray.  They all took turns praying and then my sister asked if i would like my mom to sing.  My mom was too choked up to be able to sing so she suggested her ipod which she had just loaded with praise and worship music. That was the key to changing the atmosphere to a more peaceful and relaxing environment. That helped me SO much.

At 7:05 i was 4cm and Merry was dropping. Lots more pain and lots more praying but now i had peace. A little after 8:00 i was 5-6cm and 98% effaced. Not long before that Merry’s heart rate was dropping really low with each contraction so they made me lay on my right side and gave me oxygen.

Around 8:20 i had some IV pain meds. I’m not even sure what. I think it may have been Demerol. And some Finegrin to help with the nausea.  It helped a little. I think i was able to sleep through a contraction or two but then they came back as hard and heavy as they had been before.

At 8:30 i felt like pushing but it wasn’t time yet. I was only 7-8cm. At 9:10 i was 9 1/2cm and at 9:30 the nurse started letting me push. I had a bit of a lip but she worked Merry’s head during a contraction and was able to get her around it.

The nurse let me push for a while. My doctor wasn’t going to be there so they had to call the on call doctor. Eventually my nurse told me i had to stop pushing because he wasn’t there yet, that she could deliver my baby but that would be a lot of paperwork for her. (Gee, thanks. And stop pushing??? What?? I don’t think i can!!)  Pushing was great! I don’t remember feeling any pain while i was pushing. Finally the doctor got  there and finally we were pushing again and i was yelling for people to pray. They prayed!

At 10:19 her head was out and the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and her body once. At 10:21 the rest of her came out. Sunday, 10:21 in the morning, just like i knew it would be! I thought that i would get to hold her but the doctor passed her to the nurses so they could get her untangled from her cord.  He briefly held her up (by her leg and her arm) before passing her off.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

It hasn’t been until recently while I’ve been reading birth stories that doing anything to prepare for labor and birth even occurred to me.  I grew up knowing a lot about giving birth. At 8 and a half i was able to watch my aunt give birth to my cousin. I have 2 sisters that are much older than me and i learned a lot through their pregnancies and the births of my nieces and nephews.  I felt very prepared already. I did read Your Pregnancy Week by Week and we took a childbirth class.  But i didn’t feel like i learned a whole lot that i didn’t already know.

The new family pictured with Lisa’s parents.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?

Having a baby!! My life long dream come true!  I liked that my mom and my sister were both able to stay with us through the whole process (hospital rules only allow 1 labor support person during delivery but no one got kicked out!)

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

I didn’t like not getting to hold her right away.  I wish that i hadn’t had the pain and nausea meds. They really didn’t help very long–10 minutes of relief, maybe.  The fenegrin made me SO sleepy (on top of being up all night!). I had a really hard time making my eyes open so i could see my daughter once she was born.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I imagined that i would feel contractions in my belly but it was all in my back.  All 4 births have been that way.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I would have started the music and praying sooner. And prayed about better nurses!

What do you remember the most about your birth?

I remember being in so much pain and know that i jut had to get through the next contraction. I remember holding Joel’s hand through it all and being so comforted by that, just knowing that he was there with me. Even tho there wasn’t anything he could do to make it better. At some point just before we started pushing someone brought him coffee and he passed my hand of to my sister. I held her finger and was equally comforted just having her with me.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

I don’t think i had really imagined it being any certain way.  I had thought that i would feel like i was in labor when we were driving to the hospital.  So that was a little awkward when i felt so normal.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

I did it! I was just tired and happy! It felt so unreal that this tiny baby was MINE. I had spent a lifetime holding other people’s babies, wanting my own, and always having to give theirs back.  I finally had one to keep forever!

How would you describe your recovery? 

Very easy. No stitches or anything. I was pretty swollen for the first few days. They had all kinds of ice packs on me and i remember being uncomfortable sitting on them.

Adorable Merry!

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last 6 years since the first week of having Merry?

After giving birth to my second i know that her birth could have been much worse. But after having my third (in the hospital) and then my fourth (at home) i know that it could have been better. I appreciate it in that i know which parts to be grateful about.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience?

It is bad to say no? I have always know that this is what i was made for. Giving birth to Merry so quickly (About 8 hours from the first contraction until she was born) and relatively easily for a first-born just confirmed that.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

After giving birth to my fourth at home i would say natural and home birth all the way!  It’s so much better to be in charge and not have to do what other people want. But overall i wasn’t displeased with Merry’s birth.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

If you’re that close to your due date and that tired forget waiting on your husband to go to bed! I wish that i had taken a nap that afternoon and gone to bed early like i was wanting to. I think i could have managed better and not had pain meds if i wasn’t so exhausted.

Merry growing up.

Please give a brief description of yourself, and what number baby/birth you’re sharing with us.

I am 30 years old and have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years.  We own and operate a 24 hour coffee shop together in Austin, Texas.  We enjoy our two dogs and getting out-of-town together.  This was my first baby/birth.

What was your due date, and what was your baby’s birth date?

My due date was March 21st, 2012 and my baby’s birth date was exactly two weeks later on April 4th, 2012.

What was your baby’s name, weight and length?

Colin Augustus was 8 pounds, 11 ounces and 20 3/4 inches at birth. 

Please give a brief synopsis of your birth.  

We had chosen to have a natural childbirth at a wonderful birthing center in Austin.  As we went further and further past our due date, we spent more and more time frantically trying to jump-start labor naturally.

I had many of the symptoms of pre-eclampsia and was visiting the birthing center daily for tests.  In addition to the pre-eclampsia scare (I never tested positive), my baby was not dropping and I had low levels of amniotic fluid.  No one could say for sure what position my baby was in but everyone agreed it was not ideal since he would not drop. We feared going past 42 weeks as our birthing center transfers to a physician at that point and we desperately wanted a natural birth. We also feared the pre-eclampsia becoming full-blown and having to transfer for that reason as well.

The last few days were spent from morning to evening trying everything we could think of to induce labor naturally and get the baby to drop. On Monday, April 2nd, I went to the chiropractor, then the birthing center where I pumped, had my membranes stripped for the fourth time, and took many herbs.  This caused contractions to begin and I followed it up with my 3rd appointment at an acupuncturist to try to sustain the contractions.  The acupuncturist suggested timing the contractions while we were there and we realized that they were pretty regular, at 8 minutes apart. We kept them up on the way home but then I took a bath to try to help with my blood pressure and water retention and the contractions stopped.  We were able to restart them with some acupressure.

We went to bed because we knew the plan was to go to the birthing center the next day and stay there trying everything we could until either I had the baby or had to transfer because I was at 42 weeks.  In the middle of the night the contractions got worse and closer together.  We knew we were supposed to try to sleep, but we couldn’t.  Around 8:00am we asked if we could come on in to the birthing center since we had planned to come there that morning anyway and the contractions were becoming more intense.  They agreed it was a good idea since I was almost 42 weeks and my blood pressure needed to be monitored.  I was also experiencing bloody show by this point.  We called our doula to meet us at the birthing center.

When I arrived I was 4cm dilated and almost 100% effaced. For the next 19 hours, I labored at the birthing center.  We tried literally EVERYTHING to birth naturally at the center.  I pumped, I drank a castor oil milk shake (and promptly threw it up), I had my water broken (later my midwife said she didn’t tell me at the time, but it was the least amount of fluid she’d ever seen from a water breaking), I had IV fluids, I labored in the shower and tub, I took herbs every 15 minutes, and I even had an enema with tinctures in it since I was unable to keep them down orally.  I was throwing everything up including the IV fluids.

My contractions were not getting closer together and were actually becoming more sporadic, so any position that seemed to cause me the most pain was what my doula and midwife wanted me to keep doing as I needed more intense contractions.  I did a lot of moaning to get through the contractions.  At one point I was becoming a little frantic so I was offered Nubaine and gladly took it.  I think that helped my state of mind a lot at the time.

Anyway, in spite of everything we tried, I never progressed past 6 centimeters.  I wasn’t being checked too often, but every time I was checked and learned that there had been no progression, it was so disappointing.  There came a point around 2:00am when we knew we had tried everything and we were now on the clock since my water had been broken.  My midwife explained before checking me that if I had still not progressed, we should consider a hospital transfer where maybe an epidural and some pitocin would help me still have a chance at a vaginal birth.  I think we all thought I would have progressed as I’d been throwing up a lot more and my demeanor and actions seemed to indicate transition.  Sadly I was still at 6cm.

My midwife called the hospital to determine if a vaginal birth friendly doctor was on call.  We all left for the hospital which was very close by.  At the hospital I was given an epidural and my pitocin was upped every half hour until 10 hours later I was at 30.  I was thankfully able to sleep during a lot of this time although I continued to throw up IV fluids.  Around noon the doctor explained to me that I was still at 7cm and my contractions were actually weakening as the uterus is a muscle that eventually gets tired.  She said that level of pitocin is what they would give a woman to induce labor and the fact that I’d come in active labor and still not progressed at that level of pitocin meant I should consider a c-section.

My husband and I both began crying together.  The birthing center had made sure I had a midwife or birthing assistant there with me the entire time I was at the hospital and at one point I asked the midwife’s opinion.  She agreed that it was time for a c-section.  I never felt pressured by the hospital staff and they even let me continue to labor over a shift change.  I’ve never even had a sip of alcohol during my lifetime and am very susceptible to drugs.  I was so worn out and drugged up by this point, I had a lot of difficulty trying not to cry.

Once the decision was made, things moved very quickly.  I tried to ask about things like delayed cord clamping, skin to skin time, and keeping my placenta, but every concern I expressed we met with the opposite of what I’d hoped to hear.  I also learned that my husband would accompany my son to the nursery and I’d be alone for an hour which was very scary for me.  They would not allow my midwife to stay with me.

Anyway, I was taken to surgery and given morphine and had horrible shakes as a side effect.  My husband came in after a bit and I kept falling asleep during the surgery.  At one point I woke up and told my husband I was going to throw up.  It was horrible throwing up with my arms strapped down at my sides.  All I could do was turn my head.  I remember when they took the baby out everyone in the room was talking about how big he was and the doctor kept saying, “you never would have had him naturally.”

Later the doctor asked me at discharge if I “heard the suction sound” when she took him out.  Apparently he was wedged as far as he could go in my pelvis which explained how practically no water came out when my waters were broken.  I heard him cry across the room and thought he had a very beautiful cry but I also heard talk of meconium.  My husband took a video of him on his phone and came back to show it to me.  My husband says they showed me my son after that, but I was in and out of sleep and do not remember that.

The final reason given to me on why I needed a c-section was that my pelvis was too small to birth a baby my baby’s size.  My midwife suggested that my contractions never got stronger/closer together because my body knew that nothing would push that baby out but I might have faced uterine rupture.  My son came into this world at 1:11pm.

What did you do to prepare for your labor and birth? Did it help?

I did a lot of reading of books like “Birthing From Within” and Ina May’s books.  I attended “Centering Classes” at my birthing center throughout my entire pregnancy.  I went to weekly visits with the premier birth chiropractor in Austin to help open my pelvis up and as a back up plan in case the baby needed to be repositioned.  I think those began around 4 months pregnant.  I also hired one of the best doulas.  She was even a doula trainer who had trained a couple of my doula friends.  Towards the end I took a lot of herbs, evening primrose oil, and went to several sessions of acupuncture.  Oh, I also went to a therapy session because I didn’t want to have any emotional issues blocking my labor.  I don’t think I could have been any more prepared for a natural labor.  Granted, nothing helped me to have a natural labor, however, the actions of the staff at my birthing center helped me cope with the c-section.

What did you like about your birth experience, if anything?  

I liked the support I received from my birthing center. I loved how they always had someone with me at the hospital and when the decision was made to go ahead with the c-section, I didn’t feel like it was unnecessary.  I liked how they stayed to help me initiate breastfeeding after the surgery.  I also liked how they sent the head midwife to the hospital the next day.  It was the first time someone was at the hospital to take care of me emotionally rather than just to see the cute new baby.  The head midwife reminded me that she had warned me it might be a c-section just a few days before.  This made me stop feeling like I’d somehow failed at labor since she had foreseen it before I even went into labor and she doesn’t predict that very often.  She said in her opinion, 100 years ago I would have died in labor and all these things were reassuring.  I like that I was able to go into labor naturally and did get to labor naturally for some time.  I liked that I never felt pressured by the hospital staff.  I like that when my husband ran home once I was sleeping at the hospital to get some clothes, he re-read the section in Birthing From Within on how to support me during a c-section. Finally, I like that breastfeeding came easy to my son and I and that he was very alert right from the start.  A lot of the fears I had about having a cesarean birth just did not come to fruition.

What did you not like about your birth experience, if anything?

Obviously I did not like that I had to transfer to the hospital and have a c-section.  I did not like throwing up so much.  I did not like being in the hospital for three days afterwards.  I didn’t like how hard the experience was on my husband.  We both had to grieve the loss of our natural childbirth.  Since that time, I’ve had the help of hormones to blur over what an awful experience the whole thing was, but he still describes it as the worst 48 hours of his life.  He says it was like watching the person you love the most in the world being tortured for two days.  It is going to be an uphill battle convincing him to have another child.  Finally, the part that makes me the most sad is that I did not feel an instant connection with my child.  For about a week and a half I felt like I was babysitting someone’s very cute baby.  I still feel like I did not birth him, but rather that a baby just showed up in a room.  Of course, I did fall head over heels in love with him, but it took about a week and a half and was gradual.  I felt very cheated out of that moment people talk about with natural childbirth when your baby is put into your arms and you feel this amazing new love that is bigger than you ever could have imagined.  I felt scared too that it would never come and it even took some time before I told my baby I loved him.  We avoided having visitors other than family for some time until we had grieved our natural childbirth as no one seemed to understand our loss and rather thought we should just be happy over our new baby.  I hate how much sadness surrounded such a happy occasion.

What surprised you about your contractions/labor?

I was surprised that they weren’t accomplishing anything.  They were so painful.  I guess since my baby was wedged into my pelvis so hard, they were pretty painful in spite of never becoming regular.  Also, I was surprised that we needed the c-section.  I never dreamed that this would happen to us.

In reflection, would you do anything differently, either before the birth, during or after?

I wouldn’t do too much differently.  There were benefits to my baby as a result of my laboring, so that was good.  Also, I can feel confident that I really tried everything both before and during labor.  I don’t have any “what ifs.”  I do wish I’d held my baby more in the hospital rather than trying to be diplomatic and give all the people there who came to see him time.  It was really in the hours spent holding him on my chest at home that we finally bonded.  The only other thing I’d wish I’d done but I know was not possible, is that I wish I’d been more open to the possibility of the natural birth not working out.  I wish that this had not been so devastating.

What do you remember the most about your birth?

One really sweet moment that always stands out of the drug haze of my birth is when a new shift from the birthing center arrived at the hospital.  She was a birthing assistant that I actually knew casually as a customer at my coffee shop.  As soon as she saw me, she asked me if I had a hair band.  My hair is naturally curly and was super crazy from laboring for so long and in and out of the tub and shower.  I remember feeling amazed to find that yes, I did have a hair band on my wrist.  She took it and put my hair up for me and it was a very tender moment of being taken care of in a very special way that still stands out to me.

How was your birth experience different from what you imagined it to be?

It was different in almost every way.

What were your immediate emotions about yourself and or your birth experience after the birth?

Immediately after, I felt like a failure.  The head midwife helped me to get over that by the next day.  I felt the birth was desperate, painful, and sad.  I felt there was nothing beautiful about it.  I did feel even closer to my husband though as we’d gone through it together and only the two of us could understand our loss.

How would you describe your recovery? 

I hated being at the hospital and was ready to check us out against medical advice on the third day.  Luckily we were released and that didn’t have to happen.  Otherwise my physical recovery went very smoothly all things considered.  The only exception was a postpartum pre-eclampsia scare when I went back to the hospital a week later for my incision check.  My blood pressure was still very high so I had to hang out and have several test done at the hospital. The tests were negative so they allowed me to leave and by my two-week check up at the birthing center my blood pressure was back to normal.  In between I was basically on bed rest though.

How has your perspective of your birth experience changed in the last three months since the first week of having Colin?

We were truly blessed with a very easy baby.  I have a way of thinking about life that isn’t logical but it helped in this experience.  I always feel like things have to even out.  No one gets all good experiences and no one gets all bad experiences.  After about two weeks, we knew we had a super easy baby on our hands   We were so grateful and I decided to look at it like a trade-off.  I had a horrible birth, but an awesome baby.  If I could have had my dream birth, even gone into labor on time, but a different baby, no way would I trade.  Of course this isn’t logical, but it immediately put an end to the intense stage of our grieving.

Did you learn anything about yourself through this experience? 

I’m pretty all or nothing.  Once I bought into the natural birth ideology, there were no other options in my mind.  I was dismissive of stories like mine thinking that they still could have happened naturally somehow.  The fact that sometimes c-sections are medically necessary and women did indeed die in childbirth completely went out the window.  I realized the hard way that I should be more open-minded and less all or nothing.

If you could recommend a certain type of childbirth experience, based on your own experiences, what would you recommend to other women and why?

I would highly recommend my birthing center, however, I learned through this experience that the hospital setting isn’t exactly as evil as I had come to believe either.  I never felt pressured or disrespected at the hospital and in the end, I’m glad they were there.  In the future, I’ll definitely still get my prenatal care from my birthing center and hope to go into labor earlier to maybe have a smaller baby that I can birth vaginally.  I will keep an open mind though and remember that all the scary things I was told about hospital birth/c-section don’t have to be the case.

Any further thoughts, comments or advice you would like to share?

On one hand, I understand that the natural birth community is a small voice up against the giant of the hospital system.  However, I think that sometimes this results in extreme viewpoints coming out of that community.  After my C-section, the line from Business of Being Born about the monkeys not taking care of their young when they were born by c-section was seared into my memory.  It was hurtful.  I also feel overly like I need to prove to people that my c-section was medically necessary.  I wish it wasn’t like this.  Finally, despite my initial troubles, I am head over heels in love with my son.  During my pregnancy, someone described the love you feel for your child as “the opposite of grief.” I think this is exactly how it feels.

The Birth Interview Project | Michelle’s First Birth Center Birth
(thejoyofthis.com)
The Birth Interview Project | Michelle’s 2nd Birth Center Birth (thejoyofthis.com)
The Birth Interview Project | Emily’s Medically Indicated Induction w/out Epidural (thejoyofthis.com)